Your father is abusing you and controlling you. Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. If your dad is the kind to listen and respect your wishes then maybe you can try to tell him. You don't. But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. We spend most of our time in different cities now that he's moved out but he drops in whenever he feels like it, without telling us that he's coming. You can find even more stories on our Home page. | The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. Learn to value and respect your feelings. I feel uncomfortable around my dad too, but not because he has ever wronged me, but because we are different people and never have seen eye to eye as such. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. As hard as it might be to switch your brain over into positive mode, its in your best interest to do so. Your mother is in the wrong for not listening to you. You need to start working on getting independent. And he is being manipulative when he treathens to give you the silent treatment. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. Kelly1988 Started November 12, 2022, By HelloGiggles.com is part of the Dotdash Meredith Beauty & Style Group, your family is stressing you out to an unhealthy, suffering from some family-related stress, family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. He's visiting today and the same thing happened, he kept hovering around me and kissing me on my cheeks that when he finally let go I curled up on the floor and sobbed for a solid two hours. Demonizing your family is a temporaryway to fuel your stress, but its not going to do you any favors. I was daddys little girl. Places like churches, organization for youth or abused prevention, any place or organization that might be helpful, you should talk to them and inform you would want to keep it confidential so that they won't involve your father in this(in case they want to talk to both side.). The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. Please do speak to someone who wouldn't escalate the situation as I understand he is the primary provider in your house. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. My father never hugged me, was proud of me or acknowledged me. Just ask my husband. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. Im clingy. Getting naked around someone new can be vulnerable, there's no two ways about it. Your mom is to blame as well for not stopping it. TL;DR I've always felt uncomfortable around my dad and I really don't know why. Give yourself a pep talk and make sure you have a good friend on-call that can lift your spirits if the fam brings you down. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring award-winning actress Chrissy Metz, shares how to heal childhood trauma, safeguard your mental health, and how to get comfortable when faced with difficult emotions. This article explores some of the reasons why you might hate your father, the impact of these feelings, and some strategies that can help you cope. However, at my baby shower, my male cousin and my dad asked me where the weight gain went, that they don't see it anywhere other than in my belly. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. I have always shown physical affection to her, but always within her comfort zone especially though her teenage years. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if I'm not guilty of anything.". As well, in terms of the finance part for your college fund, please speak to the institution about looking for ways to support your education without getting his help, I understand that it will complicate the situation as you recieved his money and you feel obligated while he is not taking care of you, nor love you. God help the person who tries to open it. Angela L. [I] go through phases of desperately seeking the approval of men because I never felt approved by him or important enough to keep a relationship with him. Emily T. I bend over backwards to get approval and affection from my partner. He just stops talking to me whenever he feels like I should be punished but the thing is that I haven't done anything wrong. The uncomfort is to the point where, for as long as I can remember, I will go out of my way to not be around him, especially alone. I've lost everyone. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. [They] tell me everything [and] listen well. This all started when i caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking late at night in the kitchen. You have to do things at your own pace. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Feeling overly agitated, like youre going to burst whenever youre around family, isnt a new phenomenon. Uncomfortable with husband's family. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. I will blame myself for every feeling people around me experience. All I want is to be able to cut him out, perhaps student loans will be my way out. It can also lead to arguments and fights between you and your father, as well as tension and conflict with other family members. Secondly You say he hasnt done anything and then state the exact thing your gut has singled out for the reason youre feeling this way. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. You can learn the emotional skills you missed, and give yourself what you never got. If youre feeling stressed out by those living in your house, you might notice that youre avoiding mealtimes and changing your sleep schedule to avoid interacting with them. I honestly don't know why because he's never done anything awful to me really but maybe there's a reason I'm not seeing? In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. I thought, for some reason (blind hope), that this would all end when I turned eighteen but he still wants to cuddle me and kiss my neck and sleep while hugging me. If your father has spent your lifetime avoiding your feelings (and his), then he has unintentionally emotionally neglected you. If you find that youre doing one or more of these things, youre not alone. Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 to speak with a professional crisis counselor. 1You find yourself starting arguments for no real reason When you let stress and tension build up when in a family. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. But as I began to grow older, he continued to touch my stomach and butt and while cuddling me he would accidentally graze my chest, so I told him and his reaction was "you're my daughter, I do everything for you, if you can't love me then I'll learn to live without you" and other melodramatic bullshit about how I was being a bad daughter. I was 9, and he was 10. When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety. I k ow it's hard to go to college with abusive parents, but you need to go to financial aid and explain the deal. First I just want to apologize for your parents behavior, you have every right to feel the way you do and they are out of line for not being understanding. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. Thanks so much for your honesty! Because of the age gap and difference is life knowledge, they tend to judge and give answers that aren't comforting. Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". Know this. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. U feel bad to talk about your own father this way. https://tarawestover.com/book. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. So pay attention to Dad's behavior so you can figure out if you are reacting to something real or if you've just been force fed the Kool-Aid that anticipates all guys are monsters. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. In turn,it might be a little easier sitting down to dinner with your family. I know he doesn't own me, I don't know if he'll ever see it that way. Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) I'm so tired of this, but I still need him to help fund college. His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. And your body is looking for a way to get out of it. Sigh.. This article was originally published at Psych Central. I said it all went to my butt. He has never made any comments about my body but he has looked. Can you help me get over the feelings of love I have for a person with whom my relationship has ended? Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. there are good people in the world for you. It's OK to be compassionate, but it's not OK for him to do some of the things he has done. That critical connection that we long to feel about our fathers is missing because of their lack of understanding (or desire) to foster a close father-child relationship. To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect, you canvisit her website. Romanoff explains how conflict in your relationship with your father can affect your mental health and your relationships with others. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. When I grow tired of trying to prove myself, it leaves me in a dark place making myself believe Im not good enough for anyone. Kara S. Its hard for me to let anyone else in. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. Yes, your dad might constantly talk about himself. Jennifer P. 6. Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. I needed my daddy and so I searched for him in other people growing up and often get stuck in unrequited love with people I cant actually have its a mess. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. If you answered yes to any of these questions, youre emotionally connected to others. His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. They both looked and agreed. The pop star body rolled to a tune from from her fourth album. I don't know how to handle this situation because he hasn't done . She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. Simply put, your father didnt receive emotional validation and responsiveness from his parents, so he didnt know how to do that for you. A lot of us have wounds that have not yet become scars because proper healing is a long-term process. Hatred can be difficult to cope with and painful to live with. Consider these guidelines: Its invisibleand transmits automatically. I have absolutely no friends. I decided to hire him and I am glad I did. This is not normal. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. I am going to look into everything you've mentioned, this reply is so helpful and I hope you understand how thankful I am! Can she leave with you and find a job if she doesnt have one? When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. It's unsettling when she shows up at night. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. Perhaps the people empaths find most difficult to deal with are egotistical types. 1. This can lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy. This is something my parents did growing up so that we could talk about things that were hard to do face to face. Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. Your boundaries don't need to be explained or defended. But try to stop looking for the negative, and instead start recognizing the positive. But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. To this day, Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little drawer. Oh no. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. Its important to accept the father you have instead of distorting the father you wish he would be. It's wrong. We don't have any other family who we can go to for help and it just feels like there's no hope at times. Be strong enough to excuse yourself if a conversation gets out of hand, and spend more time with your favorite cousins or siblings. jwrunner81 I swear he fucking touched me I dont know what to do i dont think my mom will believe me. Ask your father questions about his childhood, then listen carefully. Do you think you have to ease the situation and be the one to carry the conversation? I believe this book can help you understand your parents, especially your fathers reasons for his entitlement. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By Children are dependent on their parents for survival. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. What a lot of us unknowingly do is adjust our internal functioning to help keep our family in harmony, which has adverse effects on how we feel about ourselves. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. It isn't your fault. You have described abuse. Here are the 6 signs that yourfamily is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. If he 'll ever see it that way, but I still need him to help college! 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Wish he would be give you the silent treatment feel bad to talk about that! About his Childhood, then listen carefully out from home, start building your freedom!
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